Self-love affirmation saying, "You are worthy of love," printed on a white placard at a side street.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
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Have you ever had the enlightenment that you’re practicing self-love mistakes than self-love itself? This was the case for me when I was trying to practice self-love. Even when I forced myself to do the self-love practices, it was like an endless cycle of self-love mistakes.

I backtracked what I was doing wrong that caused me to only do so well in the beginning and fall off the wagon later on.

As I reflected, I discovered the four self-love mistakes I needed to improve on that you might be doing too.

1. Wanting everything to stay the same.

I was excited to take on the process of self-love because I’ve been really meaning to improve my relationship with myself. As I’ve mentioned a while ago, I was doing activities to help myself. But instead of moving forward, my bad habits and unhealthy stuff I haven’t let go of were my number one out of four self-love mistakes.

I realized that I was still following people on social media that bothered my inner peace, and I continued saying “yes” to invitations or tasks even when I can’t do them anymore. This made me think that self-love certainly isn’t something topical or surface leveled. Therefore, you must accept and let go of the habits and things that push you into committing self-love mistakes. If they’re holding you back from moving forward, take your time to accept that they don’t help anymore, but at some point, you have to let go.

2. Allowing negative self-talk to dominate.

Because our minds constantly work, we have thousands of thoughts that come and go. It’s hard to manage each and every thought. But for me, I was unconsciously letting negative self-talk take the throne. “I’ll never be good enough.” “I’m too dumb.” “I don’t have any skill.” Recognize that these thoughts are the second of the four self-love mistakes you might be doing. As these thoughts run through your conscious lens, observe them, and do not resist them. Let them pass and turn your focus to thoughts that empower you. “I’m not good at [something], but I wonder what I can do to improve.” Ask yourself what you can do to better yourself.

3. Engaging with emotionally draining people.

The reason I found it hard to say “no” to other people was I wanted to please them, even when some of them have negatively impacted me. I thought that maybe if I was still nice to them, they can change. But it just wasn’t true. It’s important that you build yourself up with compassion and keep supporting yourself by being with people who uplift you. If you can unfollow people on social media, you most definitely can “unfollow” or spend less time with emotionally draining people. Since you cannot control or change the behavior of these people, it’s best that you protect your energy and social well-being by learning to invest more on yourself than on them.

4. Putting so much pressure on yourself.

“I have to be perfect” – says the perfectionist side of me. This idea made self-love seem so intimidating to me. I’d be brought down because I’m doing it for the sake of being “perfect,” and not for the sake of accepting, embracing, and loving myself. It’s the process wherein you give yourself permission to unlearn bad habits, reprogram your thinking, and indulge in the things you enjoy. Working on the process of self-love can be challenging, especially when you’ve been so used to being hard on yourself. But it’s also a fulfilling thing to reward yourself for the progress you’ve made – whether it be something small or something enormous.

Your “reward” could be as simple as giving yourself time to read a chapter from your favorite book or even to turn on your aroma diffuser. I have an ultrasonic aroma diffuser that fills my room with a cool, fragrant mist that just melts away the tension and stress. I can also change the color of the light to match the mood I’m trying to emit in my room. My favorite scent is eucalyptus because it’s comforting to the nose, and it doesn’t trigger my allergies. It’s also a great, calming addition to the ambiance of the room, especially after cleaning the room. You can grab one for yourself by clicking on the link below.


The beauty of self-love is the fact that it’s an ongoing process in which the process matters the most. It’s through the process that enables you to understand your mistakes and to mold yourself into a stronger and more self-loving person. It doesn’t happen in a linear way, so there’s so much wiggle room for you to explore. What self-love mistakes are you ready to correct?

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