Hello and welcome to my site! My name is Kai Williams, and I am a full-time Speech-Language Pathology college student.
My Mental Health Journey
Trigger warning: self-harm, suicide
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 14 years old, and a personification that I’ve heard (and that really struck me) to depict depression and anxiety was they’re in a roadtrip together. Sometimes it’s depression who’s driving and anxiety as the passenger. Sometimes it’s the other way around.
The main cause of my depression and anxiety was a childhood trauma. I was about 5 or 6 years old when my parents separated. And as a family, we never talked about how felt about it. We locked it away in a box in our minds, and whenever I came across triggers, I couldn’t stop crying.
From my childhood through my teenage years, I sought validation and connection from my friends. I constantly compared myself to others, and I became a perfectionist. It was as though I had to constantly prove myself and please everybody just so they won’t leave me. My attachment to my friends became unhealthy eventually because when the time came for us to go on our own ways a.k.a to grow up, it triggered the onset of symptoms of depression.
I had suicidal thoughts, and I was harming myself. On top of my childhood trauma and abandonment issues, I was also very fond of the social media accounts that shared graphic images of self-harm and triggering text posts. Little did I know that I was bombarding myself with more and more triggers. And little did I know that it was romanticizing my mental illness instead of actually helping me.
I decided to seek counseling services through my school at the age of 14, and they made me take several tests to assess my symptoms. After the testing, I went for counseling sessions. It was from there that I found out about my childhood trauma. As a kid, I never really understood what’s going on. I just knew I got hurt and that I have to hide it.
Now as an adult, my depression comes in episodes. So there would be times that I’d be good for days or weeks, and there would be times that I’d fully experience the symptoms of depression, also for days and weeks. I also developed social anxiety, so I am working on managing my anxiety when I have to be “out there,” especially that the field I am studying is very hands-on and involves social interaction.
I have gone through psychotherapy (talk therapy), and currently, I am seeking counseling services. Apart from professional help, I write to manage and nurture my mental health.
What is Wellness Scribe?
Before fully looking into my website, I strongly recommend that you read the disclaimer at the footer of the page.
Caring for mental health is an ongoing process, and a process has its setbacks and triumphs. I launched Wellness Scribe in the summer of 2019 with the purpose of sharing my journey, learning from the community of mental health advocates, and advocacy for mental health and personal growth. I’m open about my journey, and I’m more than willing to be a part of the mental health advocate community by publishing posts that are for educational and informational purposes.
As much as I’d like to think how we’ve come so far with mental health awareness, there’s still stigma around seeking professional help, healthy expression of emotions, setting boundaries, and around mental health issues themselves.
Mental health is truly a significant conversation that we need to have, and Wellness Scribe will be focusing on depression and anxiety so that we’ll be able to offer you resources that contribute to your knowledge on depression and anxiety.
We on Wellness Scribe are determined to be a part of breaking the stigma around depression and anxiety, self-care for emotional and internal struggles, and self-improvement.